金木 研
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weakest on earth
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DATE: Tuesday, 30 August 2016 TIME: 00:08

Assalamualaikum

My life has been in a great and happy life.

I managed to forget all of things that had been making my life sadder than ever.

I managed to accept all changes that had happened.

But I can't help but feeling envious of everything.

Little did you know, he once told me he doesn't want 'things like this' and left me. But now what has happened?

And I'm mentally weak this week. I feel like it's going to take like days to get better.

Mak told me about how she faced right from the start and till now. She faced the worst thing you could ever imagined. If it's me, I probably kill myself. Logically no human would ever can take those burdens like Mak did.

I cried. A lot.

I'm feeling worse than ever.

I feel like I'm such a useless daughter.

When I'm at home, I would sit infront of laptop, surfing the web, watching dramas. And do nothing.

Mak does all chores.

Mak does all chores since she's in Form 4.

Mak took care of her grandparents since she was Form 4.

Mak cooks since she was Form 4.

I'm not craving for attentions but I am sad.

HOW COULD SOMEONE DOES THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS TOWARDS MY MOTHER?

I'm hating everyone in this world.

Mak told me how she left her home to her brother, with all gases are full, and her house was fully perfect in great condition. But when she's back home, the house all in mess. Istg when I listened to Mak telling me this, I'm hating everyone.

Mak was kind enough to let him stay freely, and Ayah banked in the money for electric bills. And that's what they gave back to Mak Ayah.

I am sorry but I swear, I am hating everyone.

I swear, I would bring my whole family to somewhere far from everyone, and starts a new life.

I am hating everyone. Holding grudges.

Ayah used all his money to pay all someone's debt which is not even Ayah's. And this is how they pay Mak Ayah back.

Mak, Ayah, adik janji adik akan belikan mak ayah istana, upah ramai pembantu, tolong mak ayah buat house chores, tolong mak ayah masak. Tolong jaga mak ayah masa adik takde. Masatu mak ayah takyah fikir dah pasal duit, adik mampu tanggung semuanya.

Adik janji, mak ayah.

Adik taknak buat Mak Ayah susah lagi. Adik taknak Mak Ayah terpaksa berkorban lagi.

Nanti adik bawak Mak Ayah duduk dengan adik, jauh dari semua orang yang pressurekan Mak Ayah. Nanti adik bagi semua untuk Mak Ayah.

Mak, Ayah, adik minta maaf sebab selama 17 tahun adik hidup, adik banyak susahkan Mak Ayah, padahal hidup Mak Ayah lagi susah dulu dengan ada orang yang tak reti bersyukur, tak reti nak hargai semua Mak Ayah korbankan.

Adik minta maaf, Mak Ayah.

Adik janji adik belajar betul betul, buat Mak Ayah bangga. Dapat kerja hebat, hidup senang dapat bayar balik semua Mak Ayah korbankan kat adik.

Adik buktikan yang semua orang yang rendahkan Mak tu salah, silap orang dia nak pandang rendah.

I am so emotional this week. Really.

Hoping for the best for trial-spm result.

Pray for me ;)



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